What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
