i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
