Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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