i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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