she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
