No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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