tell your sister to shave her snatch
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
