True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
