idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
