ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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