Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
