I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
