im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
