How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
