we're blogging at a bar
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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