When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
