I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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