Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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