Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize