Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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