Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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