apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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