Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
