This girl is more easily done than said...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
