Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
