i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
