you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize