She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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