Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
