were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
