If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize