Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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