did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
