I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize