Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
