Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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