did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
