She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
