cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
