Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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