Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And the cops told us we were all naked.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I see more hoeing in ur future
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