I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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