somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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