If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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