Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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