I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize