Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
