i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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