i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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