So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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