i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
