dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
