My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
