anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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