just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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