weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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