corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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