look no pants
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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