i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
