if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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