that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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