Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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