I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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