i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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