I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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