we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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