Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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