im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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