ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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