the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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