This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
