What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
